Guess who's back.. back again!

I’ve been staring at a blank screen for approximately 20 minutes now, thinking about how I should start this blog post, what I should say or how I should word it. The thing is, I feel a little bit lost with my blog at the moment. I love my little corner of the internet, being able to document and keep all of my girl's memories in one place to look back on when they’re grown - but somewhere down the line, I seem to have lost my spark a little. I haven’t posted on here in months, and when I have it’s been half-hearted or quick, then I’ve shut my laptop down again. I enjoy taking pictures of the girls, and having somewhere to share them, but lately, I just don’t think I’ve been in the right mind space to share. 

I figured I’d do a little ‘life’ update for you all before I just go back to normal service - well it will be a new kind of normal for me, because I don’t plan on having a schedule or anything like that, when I share on here it will be because I want to, because I have something to share, not because I feel obliged to, or because my schedule says I should. There has been so much going on lately that it feels a little overwhelming.

Isabelle is now a little Walker, she’s been toddling for ages now, and walking for a good couple of months when she wants to, or pushing a pushchair around but just wouldn’t walk all of the time. She is a little bum shuffler, and she’s pretty darn fast when she gets going - because of that she just seemed to put walking on the back burner, she’d walk a little bit but if she wanted to get somewhere fast or wanted to beat her sister to her daddy when he walked through the door she’d drop to her bum and off she would go. Slowly though, she has started to realise the flaw in her plan and has noticed that Emily gets to walk when we are outside. I’m sure she thinks that now she can walk she doesn’t have to sit in the pushchair, something she despises doing. 

Things have been a little rocky with my mental health, I’m usually able to pick myself up and dust myself off fairly quickly, but for some reason, that hasn’t been the case this time. There is nothing wrong, there is nothing going on, (well there are a few things but more about that later) but for some reason, I just have this little dark cloud following me about again. I know in time it will evaporate for a little while, but I just wish it would hurry up and do that already. I'm emotionally drained and just fed up of feeling meh. It doesn't matter how much I try to pick myself up or be positive, it's not helping very much. I've also been struggling lately to pick up my camera and take pictures, which is usually something that really helps me when I'm feeling down, Its kind of like my brain has just given up. 

Emily turned four! I'm still in shock that she is that old, it feels like yesterday she was born, and now I have a child almost of school age. Speaking of schools, we have applied for her school place for next September. I'm really happy with our choice, I absolutely love the school we have picked out and I know that it will be the perfect place for Emily to grow and learn. She is so desperate to go now, I think because quite a few of her preschool friends have already moved up to school, she is feeling a little left behind, and it is really starting to bother her. It is frustrating all around though because she is so ready for school now, but she missed the school cut off by a matter of days.

I've been back and forth lots to the hospital, with both myself and Isabelle. I don't think I've ever mentioned that I've been having lots of problems with my stomach, it has been an ongoing pain in the backside since I had Isabelle. I was told it was reflux and put onto PPI's with did nothing, I went back and told them I knew it was something more, and it took me 12 months to get someone to actually listen to me, I'm now undergoing lots of tests to find out what is causing the crippling pain, because once it strikes - It literally wipes me out for a good week or two, and a few times I've actually ended up in the hospital because I just can't take the pain anymore. I did see my consultant last week who said that the damage to my gallbladder and stomach lining was caused by my hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy - as if it didn't already take enough from me. That's really all I can tell you because I don't know anymore as they are still investigating it. 

Isabelle is currently on the milk ladder - yay for being a ball of nerves everytime I feed her. We have made it up to baked dairy, so pancakes, Yorkshire puddings, cheese on pizza, that kind of thing, and she is fine. Every time I try fresh dairy, or grated cheese on top of pasta, it just ends badly, she ends up being sick, all of her old symptoms come back, and I just can't stand to watch her in pain like that. I'm also trying to wean her off formula and onto an alternative milk, but so far I haven't found one she likes enough to drink. We can't try almond milk due to my nut allergy, and soya milk is a no go due to her soya intolerance. I've tried coconut milk and while she will have it if it's on cereal, she won't take it on its own. I've also tried oat milk previously and she was having none of it but I think I'm going to try her on that again and see if she adjusts. Either way, I know when we see the dietician next week she is going to take our prescription away as Isabelle is over one.

Wow, I feel like I've just unloaded my whole life into one blog post, I honestly wasn't expecting it to be this long, so I apologise and thank you if you managed to get to the end of this. Hopefully, I'll be posting new content in the coming days, I'm really excited about the holidays and this time of year - so I have lots of idea's to share! Thank you to all the lovely people who have reached out and asked where I was - I appreciate you.

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