Being An Adult Sucks Sometimes

I'm a little bit quieter than I normally am on here, and to be honest the reason for that is I just don't have much to say at the moment. I'm feeling a little bit down and lost. I'm trying to support my Grandma, and help her out with the things that she needs, and I've also been looking into preschool for Emily - which is a huge deal for me.

My grandma is someone I've often spoken about on here, she has been a constant in my life, and while she does nag a little bit too much sometimes, I know it comes from a good place. The biggest problem for my grandma is she is lonely. Something that I can't fully understand because I haven't ever lost my partner, my other half. I can't even imagine how it must feel to her. Next year will mark ten years without my Grandad. It doesn't seem possible that he has been gone for ten years, that she has been living alone for that long. It's gone lots faster than I thought it would, but I'm sure it doesn't feel that way for her.

Lately, though, her health has been declining, something that other people in our family turn a little bit of a blind eye too. One of my biggest worries in life was watching another family member fade, losing their memory and who they once were slowly - luckily she hasn't got any problems like that. It's more mobility issues that she is having, while she is fiercely stubborn, and just trying to get by and do her best. It's becoming more and more clear for me to see that she really is starting to struggle. She has crippling back pain, and pain in her shoulders. She struggles to lift heavy pans and do the everyday things that people take for granted such as washing the windows or cleaning the bathroom tiles.

Before I had children I was a carer, I took care of people who needed it, and it really is hard to accept that my nan is becoming one of those people who needs the extra help. She currently has a gardener, and I do the cleaning for her, which takes of lots of pressure for her, but it's hard to get her to accept help. I can't even imagine how hard it will become if her health declines more, and I have to talk to her about the possibility of using a home care service.

When the time does of course come, I know that I will do whatever is best for her, even if that means taking on that role myself. I want to give her as much support I can now, and let her carry on being fiercely independent for as long as she can - because that is one of her biggest personality traits. It's scary thinking about these things though isn't it. When you're a child you can't wait to be an adult, little do we realise the amount of responsibility that comes with being adult. Quite frankly it sucks sometimes.

- collaborative post

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