40 Weeks Pregnant

How far along: 40 weeks
Total weight: 98 kilos
Stretch marks: yes. 
Best moments this week: As you may have noticed I've been missing a lot recently, pregnancy is certainly taking it's toll on my moods this week. Meaning I haven't actually had any 'best moments'. 
Miss anything: being happy, something so small. My moods have been so all over the place, the SPD pain that I'm having, the sickness, and general questions you get asked by everyone soon leave you feeling exhausted!
Movement: Baby E has been quite quiet, I know this is just down to the fact that she is running out of room in there. 

Antenatal depression

I've been seeing a lot of postnatal depression blog posts recently, while I think it is fantastic that it is becoming a more recognized and thought about mental health problem, but little is known or documented about depression during pregnancy. I denied the fact I was pregnant until I was about 20 weeks, I wanted a baby so bad, but after three miscarriages, finally falling pregnant definitely took its tole on me. Pregnancy is, of course a emotion time. Mood swings and the general expectation that mums to be are supposed to be happy, over the moon, full of excitement and anticipation. This however wasn't me at all, I spent my days in denial, and having anxieties that things would go wrong with my pregnancy, I wouldn't be good enough, and I genuinely believed I wouldn't be good enough for E. All of these feelings, combined with the fact I had stopped taking my medication for my depression meant i got diagnosed with Antenatal depression

39 Weeks Pregnant

How far along: 39 weeks
Total weight: 96  kilos
Stretch marks: yes. 
Best moments this week: Making it this far, It is such an accomplishment considering how much we've been through in this pregnancy, I didn't think that the end would be in sigh!
Miss anything: I have said it in previous bump updates and people have mistaken me for being selfish, but that is just them taking it the wrong way - I miss my body, now I know your thinking I mean my figure and whatever, But it isn't that at all. I miss being healthy, and happy! Pregnancy hasn't been easy, and sadly I really haven't enjoyed it, I tried my best to embrace it, but it just isn't for me I guess.
Movement: Baby E has been quite active this week, but in a different way, I feel like the kicks/movements are more in my back then my tummy like they were before. I know for sure the one thing I will miss about pregnancy is knowing that she is safe in my tummy, and I can feel her moving around. I'm sure once she's born I'm going to be a mess with worrying about her. 

Honest feelings

Our housing situation seems to be the thing that is really getting to me at the moment, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've been debating on weather or not to write this blog post for a long time. Both me and Sam would love to be able to buy a home, but at the moment that just is not practical for us, or possible for that matter. When I found out I was expecting I put our names down on the council list. Previous to this we were living with my parents, which isn't practical either. 6 adults in a tiny little 3 bedroom house, and then not to mention there would be a new born. The other thing about my family is we are all quite high tempered when were in close proximity to each other - like most people I'm assuming. I have to say I didn't hold out much hope for the council, and so far I have been right in not pinning all my hopes on it. Houses constantly come and go on the bidding system, and we were officially made homeless by my parents back in July. It's not the nicest situation, but like I said, 6 adults in one house is to much, and my mum just couldn't deal with it all anymore. We are currently sofa surfing, We have no settled address, and we spend two nights here, then two nights there. It isn't ideal, and at 39 weeks pregnant it become stressful very fast, but what else are we supposed to do?

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