Mood: This week was another week where I saw my mood absolutely crash. It's so hard to keep upbeat when all you want to do is sleep all the time, because I'm up all night being sick. I'm not sleeping during the day because I have a toddler to look after. It is really starting to take its tole on my mood. I saw the midwife this week, following my 20 week scan. Everything was fine with the baby, but I left feeling really anxious which isn't really how you want to feel when you have left a midwife appointment.
I told the midwife I was still suffering with the HG - her response, just think of the baby at the end of it all, it will be worth it. What about actually telling me, its ok. Is it ok to feel upset and anxious about the little girl growing in my stomach constantly? because I am anxious. I worry if me constantly being sick, is having a effect on her, what if it is effecting her growth? What if she isn't getting all of the right things she needs. All I wanted to hear was 'it's ok, not it'll be worth it'. I know it will be worth it, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know that you leave your dignity at the door when you are pregnant, but wow, I didn't realize people didn't use empathy.
Symptoms: The sickness is still there, tainting my moods, and making me feel absolutely awful. I seem to be sick more at nighttime now, than during the day. Although that doesn't mean I'm not sick during the day, it is so unpredictable. When I was pregnant with Emily, I was diagnosed with Antenatal depression, and it plagued my pregnancy. Everything I was supposed to enjoy, I didn't and to be honest I absolutely hated being pregnant. I'm fed up of people assuming that I have it again this time around, because the truth is I don't feel the same way. I feel depressed because I'm ill all the time, because it is tiring, emotionally draining, and brutal being sick over an over again. Wouldn't you feel down if the bathroom floor became your new home for the duration of your pregnant? I can't tell you how many times I have fallen asleep on the bathroom floor - because it is turning into a daily occurrence.
Sleep: When I get to sleep, it's a little better than it has been in previous weeks, and I completely owe that to my pregnancy pillow. I'm not sure how I would get through this pregnancy without it. Although I have fallen asleep on the bathroom floor many times, and woke up at stupid o'clock to move back to bed, because it is so uncomfortable.
Movement: Baby E is moving lots, she is constantly kicking but as soon as Sam or I touch my stomach, she stops. Emily on the other hand, she talks to my bump constantly, saying cute little things like 'hi baby sissy, can I see you yet'. She plays hide and seek with my bump (I know that sounds odd, but it keeps her happy) and as soon as the baby hears her voice, she will constantly kick her had. Emily finds it hilarious that she moves, and she can feel it with her hand. It's so nice to see that already they have such a strong bond, and shes not even been born yet.
Food Cravings: Cream eggs. Just writing that makes me want to be sick, I actually can't stand cream eggs, I have never liked them. Although I am constantly craving cold cream eggs straight from the fridge, and somehow my pregnant brain thinks they taste nice!
Gender: It's a GIRL!
Highlight of the week: Seeing Emily's face when she heard her baby sissy's heartbeat at the midwife appointment. She was amazed and kept jumping up and down saying 'hiii baby sissy'.
Looking forward to: Baby girl being born, so I don't have to be pregnant anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this sickness.
Baby Development: 22 weeks: If your baby is a boy, his testes are developing and primitive sperm has already formed.