8 Weeks Pregnant [Baby Number 2]


Oh my goodness, the sickness is well and truly kicking my arse. I was sick with Emily, so I did think that I would get it again, I also thought I would be a little more prepared for it and able to deal with whatever was thrown at me. Boy was I wrong, you can read all about my battle with Hyperemesis Gravadarum in a separate post. I figured if I added that post and this one together we would be here for a long time.

I feel like these past two weeks have dragged by. I got admitted to hospital due to dehydration, I was told that my urine tested +++ for 'ketones' - a word that ever HG suffer comes to dread. Excessive Ketones in your urine indicates that the body is not using carbohydrates from food as fuel, and is basically trying to break down your body’s reserved fats as fuel. Having ketones is a sign that the body is beginning to operate in starvation mode. The fact that I was severely dehydrated and testing positive for ketones meant I had to stay in hospital and be put on a drip. I was kept in hospital when I was pregnant with Emily and even though hospitals make me anxious, this hospital stay really had such an impact on my mood.

As you may know if you are a regular reader, I suffer from PND. One of my biggest 'triggers' is being apart from Emily. Since she was born the longest I have been away from her is 2 hours, and that took me about 1 year and a half to build up the courage to do. I knew in my heart that being in hospital was the best place for me, but it didn't make the reality of the situation any easier. I was admitted to hospital on the 20th, and my scan was booked for the 22nd. Since I was already booked in for a scan they didn't want to move it.

22/11
Today is the day of our 8 weeks’ scan, and I don't know why but I am dreading it. I initially thought that after my 6 week scan I would feel better, more at ease. That doesn't seem to be the case, I feel as if I'm waiting for my dreams to be crushed, which is such a weird feeling to have as I should be happy right now. While I know that there is a little bean in there, it’s not enough. I kind of want that pregnancy feeling everyone talks about, I think if I felt that it would feel more real, but the truth is, I don't feel that I just feel sick. So, sick to my stomach, all the time. Sick because of the HG, sick with worry, sick because I'm an anxious mess, and sick because I didn't realise I could be this terrified of carrying a baby again. I feel so silly for feeling that way, I just want someone to ask if I'm ok, emotionally. I just want someone to notice I am really not ok with this whole thing.

I realise as I write this it may seem like I don't want to be pregnant again - please don't think that of me. Of course, I want to grow our family, and make my little girl the best big sister she can be, it doesn't make me any less terrified of the million things that could go wrong between then and now. The HG is tearing me apart, even while I’m sitting in this waiting room, I feel sick to my stomach. The room is full of people who look so happy, and are having there little whispered conversations so as to not disturb people. The joy on their faces, which I'm sure they are feeling because they are excited to see that little baby on the screen. Why don't I feel that way? There is a lady about 3 seats away from me, and she is wearing the strongest perfume I have ever smelt in my life, it literally is making my stomach churn and I really don't want to be that person who gets up, runs to the bathroom, and draws attention to herself - but I guess I will end up being that person. Thank god, my names being called, I can get away from the strong smells of everyone’s perfumes (it is so weird what sets you off - thanks heightened smell!).

Everything looks good, which is such a positive thing, I'm still not feeling that relieved feeling. Although I am relieved we are finally going home, that does mean contending with another car trip which guaranteed will make me sick. Anyway, bean is fine, growing healthily which is good. Emily is so excited, while she hates being in the room while the scan is being done, she loves looking at the picture after. Although bean doesn't currently look like a baby yet. Bean is measuring at a tiny 14.6mm and is measuring at 7 weeks 6 days. They won't work out a due date until the 12-week scan, but at least we know baby is ok, for now. Emily is adamant that she is having a little sister called ‘Rosie Rose’, while it is cute that she keeps telling everyone that, it definitely is not a name that we will be using if it is a girl.


I'm back home now, sitting on the bathroom floor back to being sick - delightful I know, but I promised myself that I would document every part of this pregnancy as honestly as I could. While I am sure I will want to forget about the horrendous sickness and side effects of HG, I also want to be able to document it honestly to raise awareness, because before experiencing it myself, I didn't realise just how much it could take from you.

I have another update coming soon, I think it will be a 12 week update and I'm just completely wiped out by the HG and finding it really hard to find the energy to write a post.

1 comment

  1. I had never heard of HG until Kate Middleton had it. I am suffering with morning sickness at 14 weeks still and that's horrible but I can't imagine what having HG feels like. Hoping your meds work and you can enjoy some of the pregnancy xxx

    ReplyDelete

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