Lately


You may have noticed that I have been somewhat absent from my blog lately, while I am not assuming there are hundreds of people wondering where I have been or what we have been up too, I know there are a few readers that I have had since I started this blog. The truth is I'm just not feeling it anymore, and I won't force myself to write if my heart isn't in it. This doesn't mean that I'm quitting blogging, in fact I have come back with a spark of creativity and I do want to carry on. The reason I started blogging way back when, was for the memories, for the Emily updates and to be honest I really miss writing those. 


Blogging is competitive, there is hundreds of blogs out there, with amazing content and beautiful pictures, and I just find myself wondering where I fit in. The truth is, I don't want to fit in. I want to find a balance, and stop putting pressure on myself, which of course is easier said than done. I have been feeling a great deal of pressure to be the perfect, happy parent. When realistically that is never going to happen. Is anyone 100% happy with everything in their life, or do we just pick the best bits to highlight? I do read quite a few parenting blogs, and watch a good chunk of youtube videos when my insomnia is stopping me from getting to sleep and the truth is, everything looks so perfect.

Of course I am not naive enough to think that life is perfect because it isn't. Being a parent is hard work for all of us, sure everyone has they're strengths and weaknesses. For me that is my depression, and sadly it has been getting the best of me. It is so hard not to compare yourself to other people, or question your parenting over the smallest thing and end up feeling rubbish. I found myself feeling down and then picking fault time and time again. When the truth is, I am actually a pretty damn good mum to Emily. I just choose to see all of the things that I'm not so good at. 


I have been spending more time off social media, I have been absent from twitter, facebook, my blog and my youtube channel. I've took the time to regroup and refocus and I really think that is exactly what I needed. I felt like it was a endless cycle for me, that I needed to break. I would jump on social media then read blog posts, which would then leave me feeling guilty for not blogging, guilty for being a 'bad' mama (which I am not and it was my depression talking - I know that now). I would question if my content was good, what I was doing wrong, and how I could improve. As soon as I stopped looking online I found myself in such a better place. I breathed easier, I found the joy in getting covered in finger paints with Emily again. We stopped to jump in puddles rather than rushing past them in a bid to get home. I spent more time figuring out me, and who I want to be. Since having Emily I have become so focused on being the best mama that I can be to Emily, I stopped doing and taking time for me. I used to love video games, reading, drawing, and being in my own little bubble. Now I can't even tell you the last time I picked up a book.

So although I am back, and boy I have missed it. There is going to be no more structure as such to my blog. I will post when I feel like it, and only put out content I am happy with. I want to stop rushing through life, waiting for the weekend and wishing that our holiday was sooner. I'm going to take each day as it comes and enjoy every single moment it holds. Emily isn't going to be this young ever again, and I want to capture and remember as much of it while I can. 


3 comments

  1. A very positive post. I got a bit like this too. I kept debating monetising my blog but I don't think I could handle posting to schedules and whatnot. I started my blog to write for me, to capture my children's lives and make memories. Sometimes you just have to remember why you started in the first place.

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  2. Such a great post. I find my phone stops me from being the mum I want to be. Love that you have taken a step back and enjoyed the little things more. By the way don't ever doubt yourself, Emily is so lucky to have you xx

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  3. I feel every single word of this post! Well done you for sharing it! my blog doesn't stop me being the mum I want to be, it is everything else that comes with it! social media, chatting, commenting, it is relentless! I love it and it gives me everything I need but sometimes it reminds me I'm not perfect too. Whilst I don't intend to be perfect, knowing I'm far from it cuts deep! If you ever want to chat, rant, moan...I'm always there lovely xx

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