Missing you..


Christmas is approaching fast, I can't believe we are already a week into December. I know that Christmas has a different meaning for everyone, but since having Emily it has just become more magical. I'm so excited to make it the best it can be for her, to go all out and make it an amazing day for her. In the back on my mind there is always a thought, a thought that has been with me everyday since I have given birth. I wish Grandad could meet you. I have spoken on here a little bit about the relationship I had with my Grandad. It was the closest relationship I have ever had with someone, and I think it always will be. He wasn't just my Grandfather, but he was my best friend and I don't care how cheesy that sounds. My Grandma always called me his shadow, and I used to say I was his number one. Not because I was better than any of my cousins or it was a competition but because I was the eldest, I had him in my life the longest, and I was the only girl so naturally I got a little spoilt. 
It is so important to me that Emily knows my Grandad through me. I can't wait till she is older to be able to tell her stories, and my memories of what we got up to. While I was in labour I cried when it all got scary and went wrong because I wanted my Grandad. I cried when I took Emily to see my Grandad at his sanctum for the first time. It is so sad losing someone so important, but I know that is part of life. I think it hit us harder because it was such a sudden thing, he was one of the healthiest people I knew, so active and would be happy to run around the garden with his grandchildren. I know it sounds crazy but I thought he would be here forever. I used to tell him that one day when I had children they would love him just as much as I did, and it breaks my heart that he will never meet her. 

I'm starting to ramble a little now, but I guess that is just what I'm best at. I just wanted to write this, mainly for me. Grandad wherever you are, if you can see this (that would be amazing) but know I still miss you. I think of you often and visit you as much as I can. Of course it was only fitting that we brought you another Christmas tree this year, the same as I have every year since you passed. We also added tinsel this time, and Emily painted you a beautiful porcelain tealight holder. I miss you, always.


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