Anxiety & Vlogging


For a while I have wanted to vlog, I personally think that it is such a lovely way to capture memories. I do love blogging and writing down my memories, but sometimes it is nice to have a visual memory too. However anxiety has always held me back, again another thing that anxiety has been having control of. The thing is when this happens, I wallow for a while, then get cross with myself, and then the whole process starts again. I have suffered with anxiety for such a long time, so you would think I would be used to it, but it is something that really bothers me. I hate not having the confidence to just go yeah whatever I'm going to do it. I hate being defeated, and feeling vulnerable

My anxiety is something that I have never been ashamed to talk about on my blog, I know that a lot of people have it too, and although it is something I find hard to explain, I am comfortable talking about it. I've got to the point where I am sick to death of the way I am living, it isn't doing anyone any good. I want to make a change and do something positive, which is where Vlogging comes in. It can be somewhere positive in my life, somewhere I can be myself. My blog is somewhere I vent when I am having downs which helps, so It would be nice to have somewhere to document the ups. I'm hoping that vlogging is going to force me to do things that scare me, and make me get up and go out more. I thought I would never get up and go out by myself, I thought everytime I walked out the door it would end in a panic attack, but its not true. Sure sometimes it happens and I have a real down day, but the hardest thing is taking those couple of steps and closing your front door. Once your outside, trust me you feel so much better. I'm saying no to anxiety and not letting it have full control of me and my life. It is so hard to be motivated and get up and go, but I want to do it. Yes It is going to be a struggle, but life is generally a struggle right. I want to help other people with anxiety realise you don't have to say no, you can push yourself and do it if you want to.

I posted a facebook saying that I wanted to vlog but I was scared and I was so shocked at the positive, uplifting comments I got. After talking it over with Sam, someone who is so supportive and the voice of reason in my life, I decided I should just go with it. Try it and if I didn't feel comfortable or I wasn't happy I don't have to upload it. Sounds reasonable right?

Well, I have some big news. I did it. I edited it. I even uploaded it. 

I am literally so proud of that sentence, I'm proud of myself for pushing myself to do it. I don't want Emily to ever feel like something is holding her back, and I would hate her to pick up my anxious traits. Since having her I have this new found motivation and determination. I will do something slightly scary and challenge myself, because I have to. There are plenty of things in this world that are scarier than recording yourself on a video, and now I have done it once, it isn't so scary anymore. 

Steph 1 .. Anxiety 0. Have some of that little demons.

I would love it if you would check out my vlog, let me know what you think although please be nice. It is my first one. Like and subscribe if you want to, and thank you for being supportive as always! 



2 comments

  1. Such a lovely post to read. So proud of you :) x

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  2. Well done! That has taken a lot of courage, you shoukd be very proud of yourself x
    chillingwithlucas.com

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