Anxiety Struggles & Joining Slimming World


Hello, So I feel like I have been slightly neglecting my blog, and the truth is I have. While there is a long list of 'reasons' why I haven't been blogging, but I have just not been in the right mind set. Lately I have been feeling really down, I know these fazes (there what I tend to call them) come and go. I have been noticing that they are happening more and more. I'm not happy. I feel more anxious lately, not so much depressed, but very anxious. I go to bed and end up getting up 3 or 4 times to check if the door is locked. When I go out I check the door 3-4 times before we leave, and the whole time we are out I want to be at home and I panic about weather I locked the door, although I know deep down I did lock it. 

I hate having anxiety, one other thing that really seems to bother me is being apart from Emily. I have mentioned this before, I am now pushing myself to try and be apart from her, even though I don't feel like I am completely ready. It is important and I know now is the right time. Emily is becoming so observant, she is really clever, well all babies are at this age. Sponges I tell you, sponges. Sam offered to take Emily home while I was at a slimming world meeting (more about that soon), and I agreed it was what was best, I was going to be there for another half hour, and she was getting bored, and clearly wanted to run around. I didn't feel like it was fair to leave her there, when Sam could take her home and let her play, and run around to her hearts content. So he did, and I felt anxious. I held back my tears, and kept the panic attack at bay, just about, which I am so proud of myself for doing. When I got home I got the biggest hug from Emily, and smiles of course. We was only apart for half a hour, but it seemed like a lifetime to me, that is the longest me and her have been apart. Sam went on to tell me that she was looking and asking for me, she was constantly looking for me and getting a bit bothered by the fact that I wasn't there. I don't want that for her, I don't want her to feel upset, or get anxiety because we are apart. I have had anxiety most of my life, and it destroyed my childhood. I don't want that for her. So I am going to push myself harder.

I have also come to realize that I am not happy with the way I look, I'm lacking confidence, and it is affecting my moods really bad. being unhappy with myself is probably making my anxiety worse. I am the only one that is going to change my weight, so I need to just bite the bulled and stop messing around. I am more concerned about the relationship I have with food. I hate eating, I never finish a meal and then think 'oh that was nice'. I want this to change, I want to change my attitude towards food for Emily's sake. I want her to grow up liking food, and eating a happy healthy diet. So I decided to join slimming world. I have heard great things from friends and I think it will help me to learn about balanced meals, but most of all to try and shift some of the weight I have gained since I had Emily. It is my first week on slimming world, I'm on day 5 and I can honestly say It is going really well. I am eating more fruit and vegetables, and 'proper meals'. Yes you heard it right, 3 meals a day! It feels better when I eat 3 meals a day, my biggest challenge is snacking. I snack so much, and I need to cut it out. I usually forget to eat breakfast, and then Emily's nap time rolls around and I'm picking at all the naughty foods. Biscuits, crisps, chocolate, you name it. Now you see what I mean about a bad attitude to food. So I'm going to change it. Wish me luck!


'There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs'

2 comments

  1. Really enjoyed reading your post as I can relate to it so much! Although I'm not a parent, I've suffered with anxiety for a bit now and started Slimming World last week. I'm looking forward to following your journey and hopefully once you become happier in your own skin, you may feel better about yourself and less anxious. It's a vicious circle but we'll get there in the end. Good luck with your journey xx

    www.bigdaysmallbudget.co.uk

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, its nice to know that other people can relate and I'm not alone. I hope your slimming world journey goes well too my lovely. xx

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