Blogging Thoughts


Laying in bed at night seems to be where I do most of my thinking, it's strange isn't it. I have been having a little bit of a wobble this week, It does happen every now and then. I now have ways of coping with it when it does, for example when I'm feeling rubbish, and I don't want to do anything or go anywhere I do the exact opposite. I will not let my depression take away anymore of my life or me as a person than it already has. The thing is, I was just laying here and it occurred to me just how far I have come, you never really realize until you look back and my blog has been one of the massive things in my life that has let me look back. I feel like I am never going to miss a moment or forget a milestone with Emily because I document it all here. When I feel like I'm forgetting something I can just look it up. However lately this hasn't been the case for me. There is so many days where I think 'oh forget it, i'm just going to delete my blog'. I then talk myself out of it to be in the same position again in like 3 days. 

When I started blogging, I had so many positive reasons. I wanted to make friends, and socialize, and become confident. Grow as a person as well as a mummy. This just isn't happening for me. My blog is well over a year old, and I feel like I haven't really made any friends, I still feel like I have no place to belong. I have noticed recently that blogging has become very segregated. Everyone seems to have there little group, I get that people make friends, and then they become closer and closer that isn't what bothers me. What gets to me is the fact that people exclude others. I don't necessarily think that it is on purpose, but I don't think that it is nice either. I've found the blogging community can be absolutely lovely at times, but so fake at the same time, and I really don't enjoy that. I don't like being surrounded by fake people, who say fake things, and leave you questioning if they really meant that or it was a underhanded comment. I have spent so much time building up 'Raising Emily' to be what it is today, and for what? To have people critise me, and leave not so nice comments. I'm a sensitive person, and maybe that is why I'm struggling a little, I take everything to heart, and I over analyse a lot. I don't mean to but I do. I'm not the best in social situations, and sometimes I blame myself for the fact that I haven't made any 'friends' as such. The thing is I do put myself out there which is something I used to be so scared of, I join in chats and join blogging groups. I join in linky's and read other peoples blogs. I leave lots of comments and never get any back which is fine, but I feel invisible. 

The reason I am writing this post is because I think maybe it's time I step back from blogging. I'm seriously thinking about pulling my blog down, and going offline. It is a lonely place when your a parent, and even more lonely when you have mental health issues, but sometimes I prefer that lonely place, because it is so much better than feeling invisible. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the opportunities that blogging has given me, and the doors it has opened, but there comes a time where enough is enough right? I haven't made my decision yet, but I think maybe this is where my blogging journey may finish, and it does sadden me a little.

9 comments

  1. I just wrote a comment but it hasn't shown up :( so sorry to read this post. You know I have taken a break from blogging. Perhaps take a break rather than quit and delete then have another think xx

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  2. So sorry you're feeling this way hun, big hugs. I fell out of love with my blog a couple of months ago and I left it running but didn't post for a week or so. I decided to stop accepting paid posts and not monetise Budding Smiles and I fell back in love again! I guess it's a case of deciding what you want from it isn't it? I have made some great friends through my blog but also it's a record of our family's life and that's it's main purpose above all else. I hope you find the right decision for you hun xx

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  3. Emily firstly let me say I am so sorry you are feeling like this. It is not a good place and secondly I can say that many and most bloggers have faced this situation and these feelings before but that is life, things swing in roundabouts. The amount of times I have thought the same but kept going because ultimately for me, who am I doing my blog for? Them or me? Well the answer is for me. And for my children I love my blog because it is me it is who I am and that's why I keep doing it even when doubts creep in. I am glad you haven't deleted it and you have made a post. I am reaching out to you to say don't delete all your hard work take a week off and do a post about taking a week off so your readers know. Also there are lots of cliques and they are all lovely I promise put yourself out there and like their work talk to them they want to interact with you they do I promise. Much love sweety and keep your chin up. X

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  4. Yes I read this and nod along. I have been having these same thoughts recently. I think I have taken too much on and it seems all I am doing these days is blog. I am going to catch up with the stuff I have committed to doing and then just blog for me again as and when I feel I want to. When I am ready I will then add a max 3 product reviews a month. As with loneliness with bloggers and wondering if it is fake. Yes I too agree. I go to some events and get blanked completely. I now know where I'm not wanted and don't even attempt to say hello to those, and make new friends with the others standing at the side. It is much more welcoming and true. Step back but please don't disappear. X

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  5. This made me sad and I'm so sorry you feel this way. I am sending you a big virtual hug..*Squeeeeeeze!*
    I love your blog and Emily is so cute. It is, however up to you what you do. My blog isn't going anywhere fast either, but i just like to write and document M's early years as they go so fast and so easy to forget unfortunately! I hope that you keep your chin up, and whatever decision you come to is best for you! xxx

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  6. Reading this has made me feel so sad :( I love reading your blog because I think you are so relatable and honest, and Emily is just gorgeous! I hope that you make the right decision for you, and whilst I'd be sad to see you go ultimately you should do whatever makes you happiest! Sending you lots of love and hugs and hoping that you feel a bit happier soon lovely xxx

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  7. I seemed to have called you Emily by default as with your blog name it just stuck in my head sorry about that Stephanie. Baby brain seems to carry on indefinitely for me x

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  8. This is so sad to read and I hate that you're feeling like this! I love your blog and although I may not comment often I promise I do read! Emily will be so proud to read back all these posts in the future, I wouldn't take it down. Maybe just have a break and see how you feel in a week or so xx

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  9. Don't quit Blogging. Just because of some silly people.
    Someone left a nasty comment on Blog a couple of months ago. I cried about it. I felt exactly how you feel now. I wanted to quit but I didn't! I carried on and I don't care what that person said anymore!
    I still write how I want and I still write about what I want.
    But honestly, don't quite because of them.

    And I know what you mean about the 'fake world' of blogging. There are so many bloggers who are stuck up their own arse recently. I just don't tend to read their blogs anymore ha ha.

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