Honest feelings


Our housing situation seems to be the thing that is really getting to me at the moment, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've been debating on weather or not to write this blog post for a long time. Both me and Sam would love to be able to buy a home, but at the moment that just is not practical for us, or possible for that matter. When I found out I was expecting I put our names down on the council list. Previous to this we were living with my parents, which isn't practical either. 6 adults in a tiny little 3 bedroom house, and then not to mention there would be a new born. The other thing about my family is we are all quite high tempered when were in close proximity to each other - like most people I'm assuming. I have to say I didn't hold out much hope for the council, and so far I have been right in not pinning all my hopes on it. Houses constantly come and go on the bidding system, and we were officially made homeless by my parents back in July. It's not the nicest situation, but like I said, 6 adults in one house is to much, and my mum just couldn't deal with it all anymore. We are currently sofa surfing, We have no settled address, and we spend two nights here, then two nights there. It isn't ideal, and at 39 weeks pregnant it become stressful very fast, but what else are we supposed to do?

We did consider private renting, If we did rent privately we would be struggling from month to month. That is really not how I want to live, and I feel like it isn't a situation I want to put us in. I can assure you, a lot of thought, tears and rightmove searching has contributed to our decision to stick it out. We have had to fill in new forms for the council, because we were threatened with homelessness before - now we are officially homeless and that can take time for them to assess the situation and decide what they can do to help us. If your not familiar, the bidding system where I live works on bands (depending on your priority). So in effect we are waiting to find out weather we are moving up a band, or sticking where we are. Obviously when E is born - we will be more of a priority to be housed, but at the moment we're not classed as that much of a priority. Over the months we've been buying bits and pieces for the house (when we do finally get it). Then it wont be so much of a shock with lots of things to buy. Our poor grandparents houses are full to the brim with our stuff, We've been storing it in ever place we can. For example, E's bedroom furniture is all brought and paid for, it's all flat packed in my Nan's loft. If and when we get our own house, it's a case of buying the big things (Sofa, Cooker, Fridge/Freezer and washing machine) The rest is all done. Which makes the whole situation even more frustrating for us.

After all of the situations we've been through as a couple, this is fast becoming one of the more stressful ones, trying to find a positive and a good in all of the complicated stuff is becoming hard. When you feel like you have nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to, it can make the situation ever harder. Don't get me wrong, Me and Sam have each other, but the downside of maternity leave, means I'm sitting at my mums, Grandparents, where ever we laid our head that night, trying to chase the council, sort out everything. While managing that, I'm trying not to get in everyone's way. I don't have a bedroom to hide away in anymore, I don't have a space that I can call my own, and that's increasingly becoming difficult for me to manage. Night times are becoming harder, being awake all night, with the niggly thoughts. When I finally do fall asleep I'm waking up early because i'm in someones living room or in somebody's way. I know it isn't the best way to deal with things, but I find myself hiding away more, and keeping it all in. The reality of the situation is, even if I did explain to people, let them in, and spill my problems. What can they do for me? Can they fix it? Unfortunately not, and the sad thing in life, is people have there own problems to deal with. Writing helps me, it always have. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, I guess it's just because I needed to get it out there. Pregnancy sickness, housing situation problems combined with depression and the added anxiety definitely doesn't help. I keep getting told to be positive, patient and persistent. But that doesn't make life any easier.

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