Letters #1

Dear, Our gorgeous baby
The first time I saw you, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was the 17th January. I was so poorly, I had been for weeks. Pregnancy has never been easy with you little one, your a handful already. Your Dad rushed home from work to come to A&E with me, I had really bad stomach cramps and light bleeding, we sat in the waiting room for 3 hours to be seen, i was in floods of tears the whole time. 

See we knew I was pregnant from about 3 weeks, we took the test. A clear blue one to be precise, got the result 'Pregnant 1-2 weeks'. In that moment my heart missed a beat, I was so happy. Thinking about that happiness i felt, while sitting in the waiting room was the only thing that gave me hope. After 3 hours of waiting, we got called in, they did a blood test, urine sample, and all these other tests, and said everything seemed to be Ok. However they were still a little concerned, especially since I had already miscarried, I was so terrified that we was going to lose you too.


The doctor said there was nothing he could do, and we just had to wait it out, but he would refer us for a emergency scan the following day. So we went home, I remember it so well, it was the worst nights sleep I think I have ever had in my life. Neither of us could sleep, we were so worried about you, and I had stomach pains all night. 

At 3:30pm the following day we turned up at the ultrasound clinic, in the hospital. I had to have a trans vaginal ultrasound. I had to lay on a bed, with my knees bent. The ultrasound technician then had to insert a probe called a transducer. It was very uncomfortable if i'm honest, but at that point I honestly didn't care, I just wanted to know if you were Ok. The probe sends out sound waves, which reflect off body structures. A computer receives these waves and uses them to create a picture. 

At this point I couldn't see the screen, Your Daddy could. We heard a faint little sound, it sounded like racing horses, and the Ultrasound technician confirmed that was your heartbeat. I was trying my best not to cry, I think it was more relief then anything else. She then turned the screen to face me and showed me. she pointed to this little dot and said that's your baby. You were so tiny, you looked like a little peanut!


She printed out a copy of the scan for us, and off we went back home with our scan picture. I sat there for hours staring at that little picture, thinking how lucky I was, and after all the scary thoughts I had during the night, it was such a relief. Unfortunately I still didn't feel like I was pregnant, there was a little niggly thought in the back of my head, 'Don't get to used to this, it could still go wrong yet'. Luckily your still going strong.

Love, Your mummy. x

6 comments

  1. Such a lovely post :) It's so scary when things like this happen and a massive relief when you find out that everything is fine. Good luck in your pregnancy, how far along are you now? x

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    1. Thank you, yeah it was a huge relief, it made the pregnancy harder though because until my scan at 17 weeks i was still denying the fact i was pregnant because i was so scared. I'm 25 weeks now :) 26 on sunday! xx

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  2. Sorry about your previous miscarriage. Pregnancy is such an anxious time, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. I will look forward to your updates xx

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    1. I wasn't prepared for how difficult pregnancy actually is emotionally. Thank you for your lovely comment. xx

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  3. Your post really touched me. When I was pregnant, I can remember I used to worry every single day until my baby was born. Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy. xx

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    1. Thank you, you sound like me, the whole pregnancy I haven't stopped worrying. This is a series, there's 3 more letters that I've wrote during pregnancy so far that I decided to share, be sure to keep a look out next week! xxx

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